Can you say "stress much?"

Well my baby has been moved into a rehab facility. She is feeling much better and is walking without her walker (not that the nurses like that but she can do it at least). This makes me feel much better knowing that she is better. This week has been a rough one for sure. Having her so far away and i couldn't go to her when she needed me. I am just thankful her friends mother was there for her. And i thank GOD that she wasn't hurt any worse than she was. The guy was drunk and he was only in his late 30's. He suffered a broken pelvic bone and two broken legs. Good thing he was driving a chevy cavalier or the outcome might have been tragic. She had pins put in her finger and toe and they will stay in for 6 weeks.

I was on pins and needles till i heard the sparkle back in her voice. She will be home for Christmas still. I can't wait to see her so i can hug the stuffing out of her. I have never wanted to be somewhere so badly in all my life. It was really rough knowing she needed me and i wasn't able to be there. ok i am rambling. Anyway...she took pictures of the car and her bruises....not sure when i will get them but she told me not to freak when i see the car pictures.....NO GUARANTEES!!! She found a few new bruises when she took her bath yesterday morning. I imagine she will be sore for quite a while.

OH....i didn't eat much this week cuz the first few days were pretty stressful and i just didn't feel like eating...it was a struggle to get my quota of protein in. My stomach just didn't feel like having anything in it. We will see how this affects my loss this next week.

I have a new great nephew now too. He is a cutie and so precious. Now we are just waiting on the next one due in Jan. Welcome to the world little man!!!

a night of stress and anxiety

After hearing about my daughters accident i couldn't eat supper and couldn't sleep very well...and kept waiting on phone calls (of which i received while fitfully dozing off and on and didn't hear.) I called the hospital and was reassured that she was doing fine. She called me and was a little silly cuz they had her on morphine. She said...."Mom...i have a convertible now!" I just laughed at her. And she told me this morning that she tried to convince them to let her walk up the stairs to her room last night, but they wouldn't let her....duh...go figure...lol

I talked to her friends mother this morning and she said that she looks a lot better than she did last night but that she is in a LOT of pain, from her hip, finger, toe, and every other muscle in her body too. I asked her what kind of road that was that she was hit on...she said its like the place where they start slowing down to around 40 mph cuz its a road that is entering town. I guess he didn't want to and was going around the other cars only in the wrong lane.

I just heard that the other guy (the one that hit her) was like in his 60's, he has a broken pelvic bone and both legs broken and not sure what else. (still not sure but from what they were hearing at the wreck site he was drunk or had been drinking)

Maybe i can get some rest today sometime.

We are definitely making some progress!!

I had to go out to the hospital tonight to visit my neighbor. She got sick today and they took her to the hospital and they kept her. Not sure what is wrong...but she was dehydrated and had been sick last week with the flu. Anyway...while i was there i got on the scale. I have now lost 58pounds. WOOHOOOOOOOOOO.....i was excited, specially after only a 1 lb loss the week before. this was a 7 1/2 lb loss....woohoo. Tightening that old belt sure did help...lol.

Haven't heard anything out of my niece that is due in Dec. She thought she was gonna have the baby soon after thanksgiving....guess he didn't want to come early. they do have a mind of their own....lol

The blog was acting crazy and i couldn't log into my blog site. Hope this posts and i can go read the others. we shall see i guess.

OMG..on a very bad note. My daughter was in a car wreck today on her way home from the Dr. office where she is doing her clinicals. She was two blocks from home and someone crossed the center line and hit her head on. I got the call from her friends mother where she is living while she is in Chicago. I was a total wreck. THANK GOD she is ok. Only a broken bone in her hand and one broken toe, and a dislocated hip. God was definitely her co-pilot tonight! I am so relieved but also so frustrated cuz i can't go to her.

I am tight!

lol...they had to put me in the x-ray machine so they could find my port. That was an experience. BUT....before i had surgery...i couldn't fit in their machine....and today I DID! Amazing what just 51 pounds will do for ya. They got the needle in and while she was injecting the saline solution into the port i had to drink water and let her know when it backed up and then when it flowed on through. I was not good at feeling it. SOOOOO by the time they were done i was so full of water i sloshed....lol. THEN....i had to drink some of that barium gunk to make sure that they didn't get it too tight and the liquid flowed through. I asked how much i had to drink....he said two big gulps....i only made one and almost puked that up cuz i was so full of water. UGH...and he turned on the x-ray and he was like panicking....and hollered at the other dr to come back in, that the stuff wasn't flowing through...she came back in and said...that is her stomach...the pouch is higher....he was like "oh" lol Anyway...its done now and i won't be eating much at a time now...but what i do eat has to be protein protein and more protein. at least 70 gm of protein a day. I will eat soon and see how much it restricts me and how fast i get full. that will be interesting to see. but now i am not limited on what i can eat....just how much.

OH...did you see that 51 lbs? she said...since you lost all that before the surgery she would let ME count that in the weight loss...but she is going from the day of surgery and i have lost 9 since then. I am anxious to see how much i lose a week now.

I love you all for your support and will see some of you soon, others not as soon...and some will just have to make due with pictures. here is one that stacy took at thanksgiving just to let you see if you can tell i have lost 51 lbs...i like that number....51...51...thats my age too...lol

Tomorrow??

My Doctor appt is tomorrow or the adjustment on my band.....not sure what to expect with this other than i won't be able to eat much afterwards. We shall see how things go. We shall see soon...lol

I can't believe that this year is almost gone. Where did time go? It's almost Christmas for petes sake. That is crazy. Plus...have i said that i HATE winter?? It's to dang cold already and it's just begun.

I hate winter!

we got our first snow of the season yesterday. YUCK! I really hate snow. It didn't snow much but it is cold, and i need to go to the city to the unemployment office and we all know how much i hate to drive when it snows. i should have gone yesterday morning like i started to but it was rainy and cold and windy and nasty and i don't care to drive when it is rainy either. I know...i am just picky.

I made it through the thanksgiving dinner. I found lots of stuff i could eat. and all was very good. Jen did a good job getting everything together for the day. and i think everyone enjoyed themselves. We sure missed the ones that didn't get to be there though. I think Stacy was a little surprised and happy that we had a shower for her. That was fun too!!! She got some good stuff for baby Nathan or Seth or whoever he gets to be...lol. I am glad the girls liked their scrapbooks. They compared them after the shower. I enjoyed making them. Both my older sisters told me they wanted three of them too...lol. wonder how much i could charge for something like that? hmmmmm. maybe a business opening?? lol

Yippeeee!!!

Well i went and weighed this morning after the kid got off to school. I have now lost 50.1 pounds. It's kinda cool to be losing and watching all my clothes get bigger and bigger instead of me getting bigger and bigger...lol. If they feel this big and baggy at just losing 50...whats it gonna be like after 100....wooohooo...lol.

On another note, a friend of mine (the lady i went to visit in Florida last year) called me yesterday and said that her daughter was starting in labor (she isn't due till January) and that they were taking her to the hospital who would then transfer her to another hospital because they thought she was going to lose the baby. My friend asked me to pray for her daughter and the baby. Today i found out that they are both stable now but that the daughter had coded twice and the baby once. They are giving her steroids to strengthen the babys lungs and magnesium too cuz she has toxemia. They are hoping that they can wait a few more days to do a c-section so the baby will be stronger. Please pray for this whole family cuz my friend is not in good health and her husband just had a heart attack a few months ago and also found out he has diabetes. I will find out more about the daughter as the day goes on. Thank you.

And on a better note....I am gonna go down to mom's tomorrow and ride with her and Christy to Jens for Thanksgiving. (:( sorry dear...wish you could come too) It will be fun i think. Hope Stacy can make it! Just be careful cuz the Doc won't be there to deliver any babies....LOL!!

Oh yeah...and yesterday...i pulled out the last of the stitches that were sticking me all the time. It's all healing nicely!!!!

Time Is Flying By

It doesn't seem like it's been a week since i posted but it has been. I haven't been back to the hospital to weigh so i don't have an update on my loss, but the diet is going along fine.

It was so good to see everyone this weekend. My two pregnant nieces are looking so cute with their big ole bellies. They are due so close together....but one looks a lot bigger than the other one.....but according to one of the shower games....she isn't bigger around. We had to cut a piece of plastic ribbon to fit the size around the momma's belly....and the one who is due first put the ribbon around her belly and cut it the length of her tummy and it was just a fraction bigger than the other one. One is due in December and one is due in January. They were so cute comparing bellies. The baby shower was a huge success. The January baby will be well stocked with stuff for sure. She has lots of relatives around close that got her a lot of useful stuff. We know he is a boy but the other one won't tell what she is having....dang it.

Thanksgiving is getting so close. Man this year is flying by. December 1st will be here fast and time for my band to be adjusted. Don't seem like its been a month since my surgery. Plus i miss my daughter too. She has been gone alomost a month. And the bad part will be that she is gonna be gone a lot longer. AND....i don't get to see her till Christmas. Am i whining?? YES!!!

UPDATE....

I didn't get to put in an application at that place. The deadline was like two weeks ago.....sheesh...i never get the news fast enough.

BUT....after i took the kid and dropped her off at school Monday i went to the hospital and weighed on their digital scale. TA TA TA DAAAAAAAAAAAAA..........i have lost 46.3 pounds so far. WOOTTTTTTTT!! So now its getting to be sewing machine time. All my shirts are baggier than they used to be and i feel uncomfortable in them anymore. And the ones that were tight on me before....are loose.....yippeeeeeeeee. Now if i can just get my knees and my left leg to stop hurting so i can start walking. My left leg is aching so dang bad that it almost brings tears to my eyes. Hope it stops soon.

I went to visit my mom on Monday too. I was bored and she was bored so she came home with me and will go back when i go down for the baby shower on Saturday. We have already played Skip-Bo a couple times and we went to Walmart today. Tomorrow we will prolly go to the Dollar Tree to just see what we can see....that is if my leg and knees are up to it. We'll prolly play some more cards today sometime. She is so funny.....this morning i got up at 6 to let the kid in and mom got up at about 6:15....so she ate breakfast early. While we were in Walmart she said she was starving and could eat my arm...lol...but when we got home it was only 10:30. She ate lunch anyway. I asked her if she was going to eat again when i ate at noon. She said...oh probably...but she didn't. She said she was going to eat what i ate so she could lose weight....but she bought some candy (however sugar free) and a few other things while we were at walmart. She makes me chuckle...when we passed the donuts she was like...oooooh...i said...mom...i don't eat that...she said...oh, ok. LOL. It took all she could do not to buy those turnovers she likes so much.

Bored!!!

I am so bored of sitting home all the time. I think it's time for a change. I need new surroundings and new faces to look at. I am thinking about putting my application in somewhere to work. One of my friends from IRS told me that Quick and Tasty is hiring data entry operators, so I am going to go up Monday and put in my app. If I can get on there I won't have to be laid off every year and worry about money. Maybe I can get my head above water for a change. And it would be a plus for not having to drive downtown when IRS moves to the new building next year. It would also be closer to home since Grandview is much much closer!! We shall see what happens. Not counting my chickens before they hatch but just hopeful. I haven't had to put in a job application for 21 years so it's pretty dang scary cuz I can't remember dates of anything I have done forever.

Someone at church this morning told me that QT has very good benefits so that is a plus too. Its kinda scary changing jobs at this stage in my life....age is a concern as to the hiring process too.

Doing ok on the diet side of my life right now. Not sure what I have lost so far cuz I don't have a scale. I am going to go to the hospital and see if I can weigh on their digital scale sometime this week to see though. It's just a pain since I have to walk through the hospital to find it. But curiosity is getting the better of me so I will do it. I do know that my pants are getting baggier than they ever were, and my shirts don't fit like they used to. I am gonna have to find some clothes to wear soon...either that or get out the sewing machine and start renovation on what I have. I know it's not a significant loss yet...but clothes that don't fit well make you look sloppy, and you are constantly adjusting them cuz they are uncomfortable. It's kinda cool that it's like that cuz I have waited for so long to "grow out of my clothes" the other way instead of "growing out of them" into a larger size. I am so excited to get back to a normal size I just want it NOW...but I know it has to be in due time. I didn't gain it overnight so it won't come off overnight. And I am wanting to get my knees to not hurt so I can go walking and help with the process of losing more from exercise too. It just seems that with the weight coming off my knees are hurting worse than they did but maybe it's just that they are adjusting to not so much weight on them....I don't know but it hurts and I am hoping it will get better soon.

Babysitting again.....

I am watching a friends daughter for her in the mornings before school. She arrives at 6 am. and i take her to school around 8:30 am. She is a very hyper kid. AND constantly hungry. She eats breakfast before she gets here in the morning and before i take her to school...she has asked me for everything in the fridge....plus asks if she can eat whats in her lunch for school. She knows that i will say no...i think she just likes to ask. She is 8 i think...and in second grade. Her older brother got in trouble at school yesterday so he has to stay over for detention for 2 hours tomorrow....and so i have to go over to their house and sit with her and her other brother till their mom gets home from work.....about an hour and a half. Hope i don't forget....they will be sitting on the porch if i do....cuz i got the key.

I am not starting to eat some different foods. I had some acorn squash...i love it. I am eating some mushy foods now....mashed potato consistency. I like that a little better. We shall see how much i lose...i will have to go to the hospital out here and weigh myself cuz i won't get to go to the support group on the 12th because of a prior committment. I won't get back to the Dr office till my 6 week appt. on the 1st of Dec. That's when they will adjust my band for the first time. That's when i will be eating a medicine cup full of food....REAL food...no mush...no liquids.....we shall see how everything goes....i can't wait.

Busy busy

This weekend was super busy what with Judgement House going on and being at the church every night since Wednesday. We had a great turnout for it though and there were 44 Salvations out of the week so it was all worth it. God works wonders. And if you don't know what Judgement House is....its a walk through play that our church (and many others) puts on which follows a few main characters through a typical football weekend that goes from the game to a party at church and a different party with drinking that ends in death and destination of these kids (and everyone who hasn't asked Jesus into their hearts)....Heaven or Hell. Very moving and very cool.

Also on Sunday, my Dr. daughter left for Iowa again and I won't see her now till Christmas....VERY SAD DAY for mom!!! She sat by me at church and when church was over she turned to me and said bye mom.....and i cried....I was nowhere near ready for her to be off again....but i have no choice in the matter. I love you babe. Miss you terribly too.

Today i had to run to the unemployment office and a friend wanted me to help her find this place in Grandview that she saw an add for help wanted in the paper and she isn't good with directions or with the Grandview area so I rode with her and we killed two birds with one tank of gas. lol But its always fun to get out of the house and go with friends.

Tomorrow marks 2 weeks post surgery. 4 to go to the adjustment of my band and then trying to eat real food. Liquids are getting real boring. And i know mush isn't going to be much fun either. lol After the adjustment i will be eating out of a small medicine cup like the one that comes off of the Nyquil bottle....LOL...for a while anyway.

Stitches......ugh.....

How long does it take stitches to disolve in the human body? I don't know exactly but i wish these would hurry up. I keep getting stuck and it kinda is irritating. The stuff feels like fishing line. And you know how that tag in the back of your shirt is irritating when it is rough and makes ya keep scratching? Thats what some of these feel like and it's almost like getting stuck with a pin at times. Specially the one that is right below my bra line. I hope they are gone in another week.

The liquid diet is still ongoing. I am doing ok on it so I guess. I think she wanted me back on the liquids so that i don't overfill my stomach and move the band lower so it can heal in place. But i will be eating foods in the consistency of mashed potatos by Thanksgiving.

We started Judgement House this week at church. I went and helped tonight and will the next 3 nights. I got tired and my stomach kinda hurt when i got home, but i didn't take any pain meds before i left tonight....so will do that tomorrow and see if that helps. I rode with a friend from my small group and when it was time to go home...i was like...ok where did he go. I asked someone if they knew where he was...they told me he left. I was thinking that he was kidding me...but i couldn't find anyone. I called him on my cell phone and sure enough...he was on his way home. He thought his wife had taken me home....but she left kinda early. He was in the Heaven scene which is at the end of the play and he forgot that i was in the coulseling room and we were the last to get out. So he had to turn around and come back to get me. I laughed at him. By the time he got back to the church everyone else had already left the church except the secretary and her husband. When he dropped me off he said....I promise i won't leave you tomorrow night...lol.

Plan Change

I guess either the doctor didn't clarify or we got our wires mixed up. I am back to the liquid diet for the next two weeks maybe three. But at least i am used to this diet. I just can't drink as much of it as i was before.

I caught a dang cold so now i am coughing and killing my stomach. You don't realize how many muscles you use in your stomach every time you cough till you have something hurting. Believe me, i feel every one of them when i cough. lol.

I have been on the go since i had the surgery though. It seems like every day there is something that has to be done and you have to go somewhere to do it.

UGH!

I don't know about anyone else.....but I would much rather have a liquid diet than to have to eat puree'd food. You can really mess up the taste of chicken if you have to liquify it. I have tried to find a good way to fix this stuff, but heavens to betsy its just not easy. I did get some Campbells soups and blend them up. They aren't too bad and at least they have some flavor to them. If you have ever gotten some baby meats and tried them...that is what my chicken tasted like when i puree'd it up.

I go to a nutrition lesson tomorrow at the clinic so maybe they can tell me how to fix something that is worth eating. Everything just kind of mingles up when you blend them together and you come up with one taste for everything. I am not sure what i expected out of puree'd food...but this just wasn't it. lol I will really be glad to be able to bite into real food again. I was looking at the chicken when we boiled it up and was taking it off the bone. I just wanted to pop some in my mouth and chew it up.....but i didn't. I was a good girl. lol I didn't want to mess anything up inside.

I have been getting around pretty well. I haven't had too much trouble with pain and such except trying to get the excess gas outta my system. All the stuff they pumped into me is trying to get out but its still in there and won't excape. The bubble gets stuck and then it is either uncomfortable or it hurts. But pain-wise that is all i have had. I have backed off taking pain meds cuz i just feel drugged up and can't function too well. I like the energy i feel even though i can't quite keep up with it. I was so antsy today i had Mom drive me to the food pantry where i volunteer on Fridays. I didn't stay but just wanted to see people....lol Mom hadn't driven my van much and she kept trying to shift using my windshield washer...LOL and she couldn't get it in the right gear (the shifter is on the pannel instead of on the steering wheel). Not sure she will be making any other trips if she has to drive...LOL

hmmmmm

What do you say about the day after surgery. Pain, discomfort, cough, hoarse voice, more pain, bloated feeling. I can feel the air in my stomach but to try to push it out is impossible cuz when i try it hurts my stomach. So i have to wait till it decides to come out on its own, and its kinda miserable. But i am doing ok really. I have to watch my pain level and keep up on the meds for it. but other than that i am doing fine. I try to sleep and mom wakes me up....so i try not to doze off. But thats impossible. I get up and walk and i get hot and tired quick...but i keep doing it cuz i gotta get this stuff outta my lungs so i can breathe normal and talk normal again...lol. Right now my voice comes and goes and i sound like a growly bear.

I go tomorrow for the upper GI and get this medicine ball taken off. It's strange how it has deflated. I hope it don't fall off in the shower in the morning. But they did say i could take it out myself...but UGH...don't know if i could or not. That's kinda scary.

Using this deep breathing inhaler thingy is kinda hard to do at times too. I gotta get the three balls to the top and make them stay there for a few seconds. I can really feel it in the chest when i do it. But i know it is helping me get my lungs back into shape and get me to coughing that stuff out of them. It hurts a little to cough but I know it will help in the long run. So you just gotta do what you gotta do. lol

I also took some before pics. (well mom did) so that i can put the in between ones in a few months.

WOO HOOOOOOO!

Well folks....my what if was unfounded. I guess it was from the hiatal hernia (sp?) that i had no idea i had. I told them that and the Dr said...didn't we tell you that after the EDG? I said...ummm...no. He goes...oops. lol Anyway--

I got up yesterday morning and showered and got dressed...i was very concerned about my throat. But they called and said they were running ahead of schedule and could i come on in now. I said sure...but there may be a problem. I told them what i thought was the problem. The nurse (Bill) said...let me ask the Dr. So he came back and said "we want to see you anyway so come on in". I said sure. So my neighbor had just come in the door when they called so we left. I called mom and my sister to tell them it was going to be earlier than we thought and i was surprised that they were already on the road. (They had planed to stop at Walmart first) so they came on up to the hospital. We had to stop and get something at Childrens Mercy South on our way so we got there just about 2 minutes before them. I went in and checked in at the desk...and i said...I want to get weighed please....they said you do? lol...i said yes i do. so i filled out some more paperwork and they took me down the hall to weigh. I got on the scale...i had lost 35 pounds on this liquid diet that i had been mildly complaining about all this time!!!!!! I was so thrilled..and so were they! So then i go out and sit down again and waited till they came and got me. We went into the prep room and i got nekkid...lol...and put on one of those lovely gowns, got the IV started and signed yet some more papers, and then they let my friend and my family come back and see me. It was 11:29 when they got started. I remember the last thing they asked me was "is there anything you want to ask now or concerns?" I just said that i pray that GOD will guide your hands....and their reply was...."Honey, you don't need to worry about that. We did all our Praying early this morning!" and i was relaxed after that. I knew He would watch over me!

Next thing i know i am in the recovery room with this mask on that is blowing lots of moist air up arond my eyes...lol. And they kept saying...are you awake yet? I could hardly open my eyes but i said yes. I slowly came awake from then on.

Then they got me up to walk. I got nauseous...but there was nothing down there to come up so it was like the dry heaves and a belch-a-thon. LOUD too. After the belch attack i felt pretty good. I walked a bit and then sat on the edge of the bed. They (the surgeon and the nurse) asked me if i were ready to go home. I said sure. The nurse said there are your clothes and i said...want me to put them on or take them with me? He laughed and said maybe i should put them on...lol My neighbor said it might be kinda hard to explain why i was nekkid if we got stopped by the police. So i got dressed and we were on our way home.

I had major cotton mouth so we stopped at Dairy Queen just down the road from the hospital and i got this Lemon Lime slushy thing....MAN was that thing sweet. I just sipped on it on the way home cuz i just couldn't hardly stand the taste. Then i think i slept off and on all the way home cuz it seemed like we got there awfully fast. lol About 8 or so the surgeon called to see how i was doing an if i had any more questions...and asked all the questions she had to ask..like are you up and around walking any or have to gone to the bathroom yet and stuff like that. They are so nice up there. Unlike most places where you barely see the Dr at all. I was a little tired by now (go figure) so i actually went to bed at 10:30 and woke up at 4am wide awake. So i decided i would post while it was fresh in my mind...lol

So now you have the whole story. I will keep you posted on the rest of the story. lol

Love you all for being there for me and being so supportive through all this!!!!!

What if?

What if i catch a cold right at the last minute? I have taken the stupid medicine to make me "go".....and i have been "going" all day. its been real warm these last few days and I had refused to turn the air back on. But the humidity isn't that good for me and I should have turned it on because of that. I have felt good all this time. Tonight, I am sitting here and i start getting a tickle in my throat. I cough a bit.....and it stops. Then i get another tickle. i clear my throat and i'm ok for a while longer. I get a big cough and then my throat is scratchy. so my chest now feels like when you catch a cold. Plus....i got this honker of a cold sore on my lip this morning too. Is it in my head or what? Lets hope it is cuz i will not ever take that nasty tasting medicine again. I can still taste it and its been all day since i took it. I guess we shall see how i feel in the morning. We are supposed to leave at 9:30 so we'll see what happens.

What if? Is it God's plan for me not to have this? It makes me wonder. I have worked so hard to get to this point. I hope He is on my side and wants me to be a healthier person. As i sit back and wonder if i will feel ok in the morning...i have to think....What if?

Getting closer.....

Do you know how it is when you are so anxious for something to happen that is seems like it never will and you just can't stand it cuz it isn't going to happen as soon as you would like it to? And then all of a sudden the time is here and you are like....wow...the time went by fast? Well, that isn't how i feel....LOL. But the closer it gets the more butterflies i am getting. My nerves are on edge and i am wondering What was I thinking?....then i remember that this is going to help my life become better and i will feel much better and i will be able to do so much more than i can now. It's just kinda scary to know you will be cut on.

Mom is going to come stay with me for a few days. I am not sure how soon i can drive...so she will be here till i can again. Either that or someone will have to come get her. Guess we will play it by ear.

Tomorrow is not going to be too much fun. I have to drink some stuff.....and i will probably be in the bathroom all day...LOL.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH.....Tuesday is almost here!

Opening Windows....good or bad?

It's been pretty nice outside the last few days, and i have opened my windows up. Last night i had to close them cuz there was an udgodly smell coming. Today they have been open all day even though it was in the 70's and kinda warm in here. This evening...my neighbors are BBQ'ing....now i tell ya....when you can't eat food..that smell is sooooooooooooooooo good....do i close them or leave them open......hmmmm. I hurried up and drank my supper so i wouldn't be so hungry. NOT HELPING....lol. And the bad part is...they always ask me if i want to come and eat with them. WAAAAAAAAA!!! i will not be tempted...i will not be tempted....dang this is hard. Ok...so what would you do...Open or Closed?

Ok, I am better now.

Time is really a drag

Man...can time ever go any slower?? Yesterday was sad cuz it was supposed to be the day. Now i gotta wait 6 more days. And i hadn't went #2 for at least 3 days, maybe 4 which was concerning me....but i guess if you don't eat...you don't go? But i did today so i am ok. (maybe you didn't want to know all this but you got to anyway) Does that tell ya how bored i am. I have been not eating all my meals everyday. I get so bored with it that i just forget to fix anything. Then my stomach growls and I think...hmmm...did i eat or not? Or it gets late in the morning and i decide to eat breakfast....and by the time i am done doing that its time for lunch and i am not hungry....go figure. so i eat lunch late and just forget about supper. I know i shouldn't do this but its just so dang BORING!!!! (sorry for rambling)

I am still sad about Thanksgiving too. Not sure what i can eat that day but i will grind something up. lol

Keep praying for me....I need all of them i can get.

boring weekend

Same old stuff different weekend. same old meals...lol. The liquids are getting very boring. I sure hope this week flies by fast. I am so over ready for this to be over you just wouldn't believe. I am so glad i have so many people behind me and encouraging me to keep going though...Thank you all!

I did get to see Amanda at church Sunday. That was a good day. She didn't get to come by afterwards cuz she had to take Mary and the girls home and help them with their homework. I hope she saves a day or so for me sometime cuz she will be gone again soon and i won't see her for months then. Hopefully she can get on and post some more on her blog so we can at least see what is happening in her stay at Childrens Mercy.

I am gonna have to figure out how to sew my clothes in so they fit me better. Even on this liquid diet they are getting really baggy. I can imagine how they are gonna fit afterwards. I am gonna have to bone up on my seamstress skills again. I used to sew a lot but have gotten out of the habbit.

Somewhat satisfied.....but NOT

When the Dr. called and gave me that depressing news....she says...you can eat real food for 2 days and then go back on the liquids.....well you know i was having cravings for CHICKEN so i ate some chicken. I had some of those boneless skinless chicken breast tenders. I thawed some out and cooked them on my George Foreman grill. It was sooooooo good. I had them for lunch that day...supper that night....lunch on Friday and supper on Friday. Now its Saturday and i am over the chicken craving and back to my liquids. My stomach isn't sure whats going on but I feel better....HAHAHA!

NOW i have to go to Walmart and stock up on some more protein shakes and yogurt and jello. I hate shopping but i guess i don't have to look for too much. Just get it and get out...lol. Maybe once i am down and i can just go buy a blouse or pants off the rack at any store i will like shopping a little more. Ya Think?

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I am so bummed....got a call from my surgeon today. She said that they had to postpone my surgery yet again because the anesthesiologist that would do my surgery won't be available till the 18th at noon. Noon because they have another surgery schedu7led for that morning. I sat there with mixed emotions. I cried. I laughed. I silently screamed. What else can i do. If there isn't an anesthesiologist....they can't do the surgery for sure.

SOOOOOOOOO.....Guess i shouldn't have counted my turkeys before they were hatched...LOL. I will still be able to eat some stuff...just nothing that isn't mushed up first. Jen, fire up that blender hun.....gonna need it....LOL. I gotta laugh to keep from crying again....and i'm not even gonna discuss this liquid diet stuff.

PRAY FOR MY SANITY PLEASE!!

Some things are worth the wait?

Today i had several cravings. Fried chicken, egg drop soup, cashew chicken, baked chicken, (do we see a pattern here?) chicken on a stick, anything chicken. I got past it and had a protein shake for lunch. One more week....i keep telling myself....just one more week and then??? You guessed it....two more weeks on liquids...then 4 on mushed up foods.....if you have to chew it once don't swallow it. BUT....is there a bright light at the end of the tunnel you may ask??? Just 2 days after the mush food.....is......THANKSGIVING and i can have some real turkey!!!!!!!!

Pray for me!

There is a new date...

I called today and they said that it would be on the 11th at 8am. i didn't get in any earlier like i was hoping...but oh well. I have to check in at 7....so here we go again. another week.........UGHHHHHHH...lol...I have come this far...i will make it farther i guess. Just keep on plugging along and try not to lose my sense of humor in all this. I added up the calories i have been eating a day....it comes to usually less than 900 a day. No wonder i am losing. but i guess when you go from eating fast food to liquid food....that will happen...lol

Had to waste gas today and go check in at the Unemployment office. You go in and put down your name and SS# and log on the computer....put in your SS# and pin # and then you log off...and you are done...its a total waste of time and gas having to drive all the way up to Grandview and back. But you do what ya gotta do. Stopped by a friends house on the way home and visited for a bit before she had to go to work. Came home and then my daughter came by for a few after she got off today. She had to pick up a few things more. Always good to see her!!!

I am NOT a patient waiter!!!!!!!!!!!

This is driving me crazy. I don't like not knowing when something is going to happen...UGHHHHH!!! Specially when it was supposed to already happen and it didn't. Anxious....anxiety.....depression......boredom with this stupid diet.....ready for some real food again.....ok...i am better now.

Had to get that out of my system....lol. I was sitting and thinking about all this delay this morning when i got out of bed. I decided that it must have been God's plan for me not to have it yet because the doctor had wanted me to lose some weight before i had the surgery...and i have lost some now. And will have lost more by the time i have the surgery (whenever that may be) so it wasn't that i wasn't supposed to have it..it was that He wanted me to be a little safer having it. Everyone asks me how i can stick to the diet. I am actually having no problem at all. I can even be around people eating real food and not try to cheat. I went to my Small Group last night and they were eating some yummy looking food....but i took some stuff i could eat with me so i got to eat with them instead of waiting to get there after they had finished. They are such a wonderful group and I really appreciate their support and love. They are all so cool.

My baby girl is back in this part of the country for a month at least.....I am so glad because i miss her a lot when she is gone. In case she doesn't know it already, she is so important to me. I love her and am SOOOOOOOOOOO proud of her accomplishments. I brag about her any and all chances i get. I love you dear!!!

Still in the air....

Well yesterday was a busy day. It was pantry day and it is usually busy for me. But i did call the surgeon and ask since she hadn't called me yet. They have to wait on the anesthesiologist (i guess she isn't there all the time so they have to wait till she is available) to let them know when she could be there. Sooooooo....its still up in the air as to when i have surgery.

After pantry...i went to church for scrapbooking...it was fun. There were only 5 of us but its always fun for just us girls to get together and do something we all like to do and chat while doing it.

Tonight is Small Group (bible study) so it will be a nice evening too.

My neighbor and I are going to Lees Summit in a little while to see about getting new cell phones....we are both eligible for upgrades with the rebates. And the store over there is supposed to give instant rebates. We shall see.

Wish this ordeal was over.....i am more than past ready. *sigh*

when when when???

When is unknown as yet. I called the surgeon and talked to the receptionsit and she told me i could get in on the 11th of October. I was like....omg...two more weeks of this liquids only and i will go nuts. She said well let me see if you can talk to the Dr. I said ok. Soooo....i talked to her and she said she would see if she could squeeze me in sooner. She will call me tomorrow and let me know when. Hopefully it will be sooner than the 11th!!

*sigh*

Just another blah day. Feeling a bit better today. The throat is getting back to normal. I will call the surgeon tomorrow and see what she thinks about rescheduling and how soon i can get in. Lets hope its soon. I can't take this liquid diet much longer. It's not bad...but it sure gets boring. There just isn't that many different liquids i can have.

Did you know that taking these steroids keeps you awake? I just can't seem to get sleepy, and that is unusual for me, to say the least. Like right now...its 2:30am and i am wide awake. And like usual there is no one to talk to this late at night. UGH.....OH well.

blah day

Well, today was supposed to be the day, but as it turned out it didn't happen. This throat infection kept things from turning out as they were supposed to. I went to my family doctor today instead and he put me on the steroid pack...Medrol....and continued the Cipro for another 5 days plus the Allegra too. He said that by Friday i should be "well and ready to proceed" as he put it. So thinking maybe i should call the surgeon and see if she can do this next week sometime? I haven't swayed from the liquid diet yet. I did wear a shirt today that i hadn't worn in a year or so. That was cool. Well i had worn it around the house cuz it was too tight to wear anywhere else. I am feeling a little better today. At least my throat isn't swollen shut. Its starting not to be as sore either. But i still feel cruddy. But i know with these steroids i will feel really good and be able to move really good in a day or so. They help my knees feel good too. I actually hate when they wear off.

SAD SAD SAD...........

Well....the surgery is on hold now till I get to feeling better. But i plan on staying on this liquid diet so i don't have to start over. Hopefully this will only last a few more days and she can get me in pretty soon next week. This is so aggrivating. I think life stinks! I have been so upbeat with all this and now its on hold.....ARGHHHHHHHHH...i just want to scream...and i would if it didn't make my throat hurt worse. I just can't win for losing. My bad luck is still running true to form.

Ok, enough of the pity party. Pray for me.

Life stinks........

It doesn't look like i am gonna shake this dang sore throat. My whole left side of my face hurts. I will call the dr tomorrow and see what she says but i can about guess. I got up this morning and my stomach was kinda nauseated....but i took my shower and got ready for church. I then tried eating some broth nd coffee and yogurt for breakfast. I got most of it down and was taking one of the pills she gave me (the allegra D) and i almost lost it trying to swollow it. But thennnnnn.....that white hot flash hit me and i got dizzy and chilled and had to run to the bathroom.....you can guess what happened next. UGH. I felt better and went on to church. I almost didn't make it through the service. My stomach was rolling. I felt like crud and so i didn't stay for sunday school. I came home and took a nap. When i woke up i tried to eat some soup...no deal...i couldn't stand the smell. so i had some hot tea. thats about all i have had today till a little bit ago. I was sitting here and my stomach kept growling so the only think i could do was fix a protein shake...i figured i would eat it cuz i needed to and if it came back up....so be it. It's still down but time will tell....i have been putting a rice bag on my face cuz i can't find the heating pad. It's almost like i have an ear ache but the glands under my chin also hurt.

MY LIFE STINKS!!!

lets hope it works....

I had to call the Dr. Its a good thing she was on call. I am running a fever and my throat is still killing me. She called me back and is going to prescribe me an antibiotic and an antihistamine. Hopefully this will take care of it and we can still do surgery...i have to call her on Monday and let her know how i am feeling. I can also take tylenol. This is the pits. Did i say i hate being sick? Well everyone cross your fingers and hope this works. It would really suck to postpone this after all I have already been through.

Pray for me.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

It may be all in my mind but my throat is not feeling any better and it's hurting into my ear now. I am so bummed cuz i can't take anything for it if i am going to have surgery but i can't have surgery if i don't take anything to get rid of it.....what do i do???? Please make it STOP!!!!!!!!!!! I was hoping it was just sinus drainage...but my ear is killing me too. My throat is not too red but i think its back in between the folds in my tonsils. (i have strange tonsils) and it hurts when i turn my head to the left. What can i do my doctor daughter? I can NOT postpone this surgery. I can't take this...it's not fair. UGH

anticipation.........

It's getting closer. Not sure what my feelings are right now. Just wish it were done and over with. This waiting is a little un-nerving. I know i am not looking forward to Monday any. I have to drink that phos pho stuff to "clean out the old pipes"...lol...UGHHH. Will be in the porceline room all day that day i think.

I am hoping i am not getting sick....have a slight sore throat on one side tonight. I don't think i was around anyone that was sick..but you never know. I did go with my neighbor to the urgent care at Childrens Mercy South the other night....was afraid i might catch something....guess i should have stayed in the van. If i do get sick i will be so mad....all this liquid and then get sick and not be able to get the surgery done yet.....ARGHHHHHHHHHH

Pray for me!

I got the time!!

Ok...my surgery is set...The 27th at 8:00am. Check in time is 7:00am. Now i am a bit more nervous. Not much but a bit. lol

Thoughts on this liquid diet thing.....
1. It could be worse.
2. It's not so bad
3. Broth is not one of the other white meats.
4. Protine Shakes are not chewy.
5. The bathroom is my friend.
6. Drinking before bed causes interrupted sleep.
7. Dizzyness can be fun.
8. Not drinking causes the shakes.
9. How can there be anything to "get rid of" if you are just taking in liquids?
10. NOBODY wants to join me for lunch...hmmmmm

liquids....day six

OK...been 6 days and i am doing pretty good. Found some protein drinks that have lots of protein in them. The Adkins Advantage Shakes aren't too bad and they make ya full for a while longer.

As far as when i get to eat solids....it will be portion control cuz i won't be able to eat much at a time anyway....will have to cut the meat up in small bites and chew them till they are mush anyway so i might as well mush em first...LOL

Everyones support is so greatly appreciated....i know the prayers and good thoughts are what is helping me through this liquid period....LOL...

I WILL DO EEEEEEET!!!!!!!!!

another day like any other day...almost

Still drinking....its getting easier. (i keep telling myself this anyway)

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Thought about Dad today. Miss him terribly. It's been 4 years and yet it's still so unreal that he is gone. *sigh* I Love you Dad!


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Sad Sad Sad.....my recliner broke today....was hoping it would last till I could get another one. Guess I will get Mom's cuz she is getting a new one after she moves. It's just one thing after another....sheesh

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Six more days of these liquids. Then the Phos Pho stuff.....and then nothing till after surgery. Then two more weeks of liquids and then 4 weeks of puree'd foods....then i can start chewing food again. LOL.

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Went with my neighbor Phyllis this afternoon to Childrens Mercy Hospital cuz her son Tyler has had a kidney infection and it must be back cuz he was running a fever today and has tenderness in his stomach. They said he either had a blockage or kidney stones....she has to go back tomorrow with him to get a cat scan to see whats going on. Her brakes are out on her van so that is why i went...we used my van.

What can i say...

It is now the third day of drinking my meals. I got a little light headed at church this morning but it passed pretty quickly....i think it was the donut withdrawal....lol...cuz I had such a wonderful breakfast....Boullion soup (chicken), a cup of coffee, some peaches and some tea that i took with me to church. After church i came home and had a protein shake and some beef boullion and a diet mountain dew. And in just a little bit i am going to go eat (and i say that lightly) some more boullion soup and some yogurt, with maybe some jello and a sugar free fudgesicle...yummm...lol. Isn't it after the first three days that you start getting used to not eating?? I sure hope so...lol.

Everyone at church is so supportive. They make me feel so good. And when you are used to people looking down their noses at you or staring at you like when you go shopping or somewhere else...its hard to take it in that people can be loving and kind.

One of the guys at church that has had the surgery came into my sunday school classroom before it started and gave me a pep talk....he said the liquid diet would be one of the hard parts of the journey...the other would be drinking the yucky stuff to make ya go is the other...lol. It made me feel so good that he took the time to come talk to me. He is looking so great and his wife is too and she is even pregnant now too. It didn't seem like it took them very long at all to start looking good....i am sure thats not how it was for them...but..I CAN'T WAIT to start looking better and feeling better. He said that right after the surgery you are like...ok this isn't real fun...and then he said that after he started healing he started feeling better and it was like he felt like a new person and he could do so much more and this is what i want to feel.

I am going to go get my mom next sunday after church. She is going to come stay with me for a few days before and after i have surgery. And my daughter will be home that weekend. So it will be good to have them here.

Surgery date

They called me yesterday and told me for sure that my surgery would be on the 27th which is a Tuesday. Dare i say i am anxious, apprehensive, scared, excited, worried, and a little less stressed. If i can make it through this week and a half....then maybe there is hope. Do you KNOW how much you have to go to the bathroom when all you do is drink your meals????? Let me tell you....it's a WHOLE bunch...and its only been ONE day. SHEESH.

OH YEAH.....i went to walmart last night to get the stuff i need to "eat".....next time just shoot me.....it took me 2 hours to just find the stuff i could "eat". I had to read labels, look for sugar free stuff, most of it had to have 15 grams of carbs or less....UGHHHHHHHH. And I HATE to go to the store anyway. And then i had to find me some vitamins and calcium pills. I now take Flinstones complete multi vitamins and chewable calcium pills. Oh the joy of it. LOL

Pray for me.

Breakfast was exciting

Breakfast this morning consisted of...
1 cup of 1% milk
1 cup of chicken boullion
1 of those jello cups (i had a couple of them in the fridge)

I made some jello for later and a jug of tea. Anybody want to join me for lunch? HAHAHA don't lie!!

I gotta go to the store and stock up on some yummy drinkable stuff sometime today. Hope i can find something extraordinarily yummy....yeah right. Hope you all had a wonderful breakfast.

Yummmmmm

Here is my choice of foods for the next few weeks.....

I can have these in moderation because of the sugar content..
1. Juice, gatorade, or power ade...2 cups or less each day
regular jello, popsicles, or no sugar added fudgsicles....3 or less a day
2. 1 cup of milk skim, 1%, 2%, or 8 oz light yogurt, or 1/2 cup cottage cheese.....3 or less a day
3. Atkins Shakes, carb solutions shakes, or protein shakes with low sugar...1-2 a day....no slim fast, ensure, or boost..etc

These liquids can be taken in any amount since they don't contain sugar.
1. Sugar free beverages such as Crystal light, wylers light, sugar free kool aid or sugar free tang, diet snapple, diet sodas, fruit2O,propel, coffee or tea with sugar substitute or water.
2. broth soups (all varieties)
3. Sugar free popsicles and sugar free jello

Any liquids with 15 grams or less of carbohydrates are allowed such as:
* 3/4 cup carbonated beverage, soda
* 1/2 cup orange, apple, or grapefruit juice
* 1 popsicle
* 1 cup milk
* 6 ounces light yogurt
* 1/2 cup cottage cheese
* 1/3 cup regular jello
* 1/2 cup kool aid
* 1 tbsp. honey or sugar can be used to sweeten a beverage.

So this is what i will be consuming for the next 8 or 10 weeks.....sigh....but i know it will be worth it.

We have a launch date....sort of

Went to see the surgeon today. She gave me all the paperwork i need for pre surgery stuff to do. Liquid diet for at least 10 days...more if i can....Why you say? well she explained it to me and its to clean your system of the glucogens (sp?) that the liver makes...and to make the liver shrink, (it seems that heavy people have large livers) so they can move it out of the way when they are doing the surgery. Plus it lets you lose a few pounds before surgery too. Every little bit helps. (plus it gets you ready for the first 6 weeks after surgery that you can't eat anything you have to chew. Anybody know of any "good" tasting low in sugar protein shakes? (HAHAHA)

Also i get to drink this stuff before surgery to clean out the old pipes. Some kind of stuff to help you eliminate waste for lack of a nicer way to say it. I have to drink two 1.5 oz bottles of it. YUMMY....(not) She hasn't told me a specific date...but it will either be on the 27th or 28th of September. That got it a bit more narrowed down than the 26th to the 30th...lol. She is supposed to call me to let me know which one for real.

We even worked out a payment plan which will be a good thing. She took off several dollars from the amount that i have to copay so its even better. The lap band is about 10,000.00 cheaper than the bypass so my part was not as much as it would have been.

It will take about 5 hours in all.....i go in an hour early..they get me preped...then she said the surgery itself will be about 2 1/2 to 3 hours.....then recovery and then i can come home if i can drink, breathe, swollow, go to the bathroom, and be ambulatory. The next day or day after i go back in to make sure all is doing good and she does a upper GI with contrast to make sure everything is ok.

Almost there

OK....i talked to the surgeon this morning and made an appointment for tomorrow to discuss the lap band surgery. The 23rd was booked so the surgery will be sometime between the 26th and 30th. Will let you know after the appointment tomorrow at 11:00. I have to go on a liquid diet for 10 days prior to surgery...that will be fun...guess its to get your system used to things that are a comin.

Keep me in your prayers and give me comments for support. As my daughter says.....I heart you all.

sheesh

The lady from ERC called me and she said it was an eroneous cancellation and that she would fix it for me and that there would be no lapse in my coverage. It happened to several people. Isn't it fun to work for our illustrious government?

One less thing to stress over.........well hay its a start anyway.

AND....after discussing my dilema with my daughter, i am going with the lap band and i will just play it by ear from there. Who knows...maybe i can lose enough with that and won't need the bypass. Besides...the lap band is a cheaper operation and less invasive. And with everyones help and support I WILL CONQUER THIS PROBLEM.

and still more stress

Surgeons office called me a while ago....seems my insurance was cancelled on the 6th of this month....

i called work and taked to my branch chief...she said that it was a computer error and a few people got that same message. She gave me a number to call the Employee Resource Center. They are going to research the problem and get back with me.

What next????

STRESSSSSSSSSSSSS upon more STRESSSSSSSSSS!!!!

What to do...what to do

my surgeon called me today. She said that she has talked to my doctor and she talked to the cardiologist. my doctor and the cardiologist don't think i need to be put through a heart cath. she won't do the surgery without it (the bypass anyway) but she will do the lap band procedure. she can do it on the 23rd of this month. I have to decide if i want the lap band...let it work to help me lose aobut 200 pounds and then she will do the bypass after it stops helping me lose. OR....do the heart cath and she will do the bypass.

If i do the lap band on the 23rd i have to decide now so i can start on a liquid diet for these 10 days. BUt this would mean two separate surgeries to pay for (which she says don't make it a money thing...good for her to say since she has money) and she also said its not like i will lose 200 pounds in a month or so....it would be more like a year or so which is true enough but still.

MORE STRESSSSSSSSSSSSS.....ARGHHHHHHHH!

and more confusion

and the plot thickens. The lady that sets up appointments at Dr. Travis' office called me back. Travis talked to the cardiologist and he said i did NOT need the heart cath. Travis then talked to my surgeon and she said the cardiologist said i DID need the heart cath. (the cardiologist had told me i didn't need one also) .....so Travis called the cardiologists office and had them send him the notes and something else and they faxed it to him and there were two pages he could not read. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....now he has a call in to the cardiologists office to contact him again.....so now i have to wait again. She said that if i don't hear from her tomorrow that i should call her around 3 because they should know for sure about the heart cath.

Are you confused??? I sure am!!!!

STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!

more frustration

I called the Dr office to see if the heart cath has been scheduled or what is going on with it. The lady that does the scheduling asked why they couldn't do the stress test. I told her about the weight limit on their table and she was like....That's crazy cuz i specifically asked them about that when i made the appointment. so i wasn't the only one discusted....but i digress....anyway she said let me check something...she came back and said that there were messages back and forth here so she listened to them or whatever she has to do...and she said hang on and let me talk to Dr Travis' nurse. so I am on hold and she comes back and says that it looks like maybe i won't have to do the heart cath cuz my Dr and the cardiologist didn't think it was necessary. So...i asked about what if my surgeon won't do it without it and she said....Hmmmmm...let me talk to Dr Travis and i will call you back.

Soooooooooo.....now its another waiting game.

TALK ABOUT STRESS!!!!!!!!!

And a(weigh) I go

Most of you know I am trying to have bariatric surgery (a gastric bypass). And I have had tests run to get started and was a human pin cushion for a couple days. Well....trying to get this stress test done so we can proceed is stress enough to show i don't need a stress test. My doc seems to think otherwise. Soooooooooooo....they are going to do a heart cath. UGHHHHHHH...talk about stress. I didn't want to do this test, but I guess if I want the bypass its inevitable.

Pray for me.

This will be my journal on my road to a new me. My thoughts, my fears, and just whatever I feel I need to talk about and you can give me support and prayers and keep my spirits up.

I guess i will call tomorrow and see when they are gonna schedule this test. YIPPEE SKIPPY I will let you know when,



I am not as imaginative as my daughter and my nieces so don't expect this to be too great but I will try.

Life goes on.

My pic in the church photo directory